I know i have not writen in a very very long long time but I am being tolled to by spirit to exspress myself.
It is a way to relase my emoshions.
The last coupel of years have been very very hard for me i have been very up and down in myself which is now starting to leavel out it's like how can i exsplane it been threw the dark night of the soul.
And just did not feel like myself any more.
After the loss of my father then good friend only 11 months after my father.
I just did not want to live any more, i gave up my passhions the things i loved.
I just feelt i lost myself and with the changing of my medicashion which was a nightmare in it's self.
9 months of up and down panicing about every small thing being on eage, not sleeping a walking zombie who prayed everyday for god to take me.
I think i walked around that park neally twice a day crying to myself.
And my trusted dog friend lady beside me who never left my side that little dog she knew more then my family knew how i was feeling.
One night i was so bad with anxity and not being abeal to sleep this was in 2016 i just hade enought i tryed strangelating myself i thought even to just knock myself out so my mind would shut up.
I tryed 3 times then started crying , then i resorted to hitting myself in the head and cutting my left arm with A knife.
My mother took me up to the hospital i just could not sit still i asked them to put me in the mental health ward i just had enought.
They hade a good talk to me and said your not crazy ..... I know that but i want my mind to shut up so i can sleep, They have me some sleeping tablets and i hade to show my brother and mother that i hade them.
I sleeped for once in over a week.
My brother keep a close eye on me, Long story short i changed Dr's and this new dr changed my tabels and these's tablets help me cope a lot more bettter.
I also hade test's done and found out i have PCOS which where causing my hormones to play up to much male hormone not enouth female, I hade to change my diet, cut down on sugar and coffee as well as milk and cabhidrates.
I have i droped 3 dress sizes, and feelt so much mor happyer.
I also started Meditating learning about diet, walking and taking photos, whish helped me so much.
I still hade my ups and downs but not as bad.
I lernt about crystals more and herbal oil's sound threapy and chrakras and watched movies about edgar cayce the sleeping prothet .
Who taked about health.
This opened my eyes to the things i needed for myself.
Also i closed myself off because getting message but sometimes i would hear a voice when i was very very lowe don't be so hard on yourself be gental with yourself angel cakes .
I though who is this is it ack angel micheal is it my father.
But i feelt soothed and loved.
When i was in this lowe state i would dream about my big angel he would cuddel me and kiss me i feelt so happy the next day i would feel like all the pain would go away and i could face the world anouther day.
He would lift my spirits .
But i keeped talking to god and jesus to give me strangth and faith,
And i always thanked rthem when wounderful things happened.
As well as the angels who i know loved me .
I hade an oprashion in september 2017 to removed a polip from out of my uterus i aske all my friend to pray for me and that day i feelt nothing but peace.
All went well.
Excepted for a few home stress's which i didn't need after my op,
Lucky i hade my mate mel who was there for me in thick and thin.
Then about the end of jan start of feb this year i started getting telepathic messages from my big Angel and in my mind was being showen things i though what the hell, ive cracked.
You where gorn but i know the energy sines, i honestly thought he was gorn.
And from that day i have been getting sine's dreams and lots of magical things have been happening .
I have not feelt this happy for a very very long time.
And i was tolled today to start writing and exspressing myself.
I whish i just knew him more what his thoughts of the world are, his perseapshion, his likes loves things he enjoys, Movies music, food i just want to know all about him.
His passhions, his likes dislikes ,
we will see...... maybe
All i know is i miss him i'm not anger at you at all i do love and care about him and hope he is safe....