Ginnia's Blog - Ginnia's Creative blog

Confushion

9/2/2019

I'm so confussed all these's missed feeling's it's driving me crazy, My guides just said let it go, so i am i'm giving it to my angel's and god because I don't like feeling like this.
I just need to love myself more and work on myself, I'm tired of having faith.
I want to have faith but i think i'm hoping on somthing that is not real.
Maybe i'm just crazy with the message's ive been reciveing from spirit.
I just don't know what to believe any more.
I read one posstive message then i get a real negative one and it's just confussing me more and more.
I just need to let go.
I deserve respected, truth and love.
I'm studding Twin Flame stuff  my twin flame is on the astrale plain.
And tolled me time and time again, i'm learning threw you so don't do anything stupid.
I'm really trying but confused i thought they where gorn i let go because i honestly thought they where gorn.
I didn't pick up anything no messages no sines nothing only dreams when i've been really down.
I saw him kneeling down in front of me hands around
waist head on my chest cudding me saying there sorry and sad.
I feel them around watching me , i'm giving this to god and the angel's.
Because it dose feel to good to be true and that i feel it's just my mind hoping.
I just don't want to look at it, as it hurts me too much.
I Hear there voice in my ears, during the night and day, i do love them and it's ok to love them but i need to release the worry to my guides and consentrate on what i want to do with my work life, and spiritual life.
If it's not who i feel it is god will bring me the right one, if not i'm happy with myself i need to love me as i'm with me all the time.
I've been seeing 11:11, 222, 333, 444 one day i believe anouther day it's well fuck me this is just bullshit talking myself into crap come back to earth.
It's so hard for me to allow anouther person in to love because i know i meet my TWF it's hard.
If i never meet them so be it if i do so be it.
I just tired of giving so much energy so i release and let it go and give it to god.
Aleast one good thing happened when i lost my father it brout me back to mother and father god sorce.
That i do trust in......
My angel's god and my spritiual family.
I want to cry and let out all these's emoshions.
anyway's that's my rant

My day

9/2/2019

my goodness the memories today some made me laught some made me look at things diffrently some reminded me of my family.
Today when i came home from work I picked up some really bad energy anger , i thought wooh wee what a horribal energy.
Someone is anger....
I asked my guides who are there's energy's from they they staited from the nabour , my mum and someone from the past who can't control you anymore.
I have been having the most magical dreams lately.
Lastnight i went and visited my TWF . I saw him sad lieing on a bed in featal pashion.
He was hurting i feelt so so for him , i don't even think he relised i was there i sad please don't be sad don't cry.
I keep getting diffrent men trying to connected with me on facebook one guy called Eric simmons gave me the heebeegeebees..... eerrhhh.
somtimes i wounder if hes trying to connected.
I do miss you i'm not playing games with you i just can't connected with that pic use somthing positive i know hes trying i'm not trying to hurt you please don't think that.
ill leave you sines how to approche me.
But the key is positive positive. it will click
I do love you very very much with all my heart and soul.
I feel your pain, i see your tears, your feelings i hurt when you hurt.
I am alast getting your messages more and more everyday.
u know better then anyone what i love.
The dream i hade on Thursday night was the most magical dream i have ever hade.
I was at a place that looked like a hotel, there was an older lady there she looked in her late 70's she was very sweet behinder was a tall gentalman who didn't say much, i said to the lady i have a ring for your son, it was a small snake ring that would fit on a pinkey finger.
I gave her the ring she said she said she would rap it for him i said you don't have to do that she said know i want to.
THen i dreamped i was sitting in the passanger side of a blue car that was driving on it's own i saw my Big angeling apear driving the car he was tranclucent he reached out his hand and i reached out as well to touch his hand , i was so happy I finally got the one sine i needed to see and everything clicked in place.
Just know that i love you .... you mean the world to me.

lol lol lo,l thsi reminds me of my baby brother

Hello 2019

8/2/2019

Hello There 2019
I know i have not writen in a very very long long time but I am being tolled to by spirit to exspress myself.
It is a way to relase my emoshions.
The last coupel of years have been very very hard for me i have been very up and down in myself which is now starting to leavel out it's like how can i exsplane it been threw the dark night of the soul.
And just did not feel like myself any more.
After the loss of my father then good friend only 11 months after my father.
I just did not want to live any more, i gave up my passhions the things i loved.
I just feelt i lost myself and with the changing of my medicashion which was a nightmare in it's self.
9 months of up and down panicing about every small thing being on eage, not sleeping a walking zombie who prayed everyday for god to take me.
I think i walked around that park neally twice a day crying to myself.
And my trusted dog friend lady beside me who never left my side that little dog she knew more then my family knew how i was feeling.
One night i was so bad with anxity and not being abeal to sleep this was in 2016 i just hade enought i tryed strangelating myself i thought even to just knock myself out so my mind would shut up.
I tryed 3 times then started crying , then i resorted to hitting myself in the head and cutting my left arm with A knife.
My mother took me up to the hospital i just could not sit still i asked them to put me in the mental health ward i just had enought.
They hade a good talk to me and said your not crazy ..... I know that but i want my mind to shut up so i can sleep, They have me some sleeping tablets and i hade to show my brother and mother that i hade them.
I sleeped for once in over a week.
My brother keep a close eye on me, Long story short i changed Dr's and this new dr changed my tabels and these's tablets help me cope a lot more bettter.
I also hade test's done and found out i have PCOS which where causing my hormones to play up to much male hormone not enouth female, I hade to change my diet, cut down on sugar and coffee as well as milk and cabhidrates.
I have i droped 3 dress sizes, and feelt so much mor happyer.
I also started Meditating learning about diet, walking and taking photos, whish helped me so much.
I still hade my ups and downs but not as bad.
I lernt about crystals more and herbal oil's sound threapy and chrakras and watched movies about edgar cayce the sleeping prothet .
Who taked about health.
This opened my eyes to the things i needed for myself.
Also i closed myself off because getting message but sometimes i would hear a voice when i was very very lowe don't be so hard on yourself be gental with yourself angel cakes .
I though who is this is it ack angel micheal is it my father.
But i feelt soothed and loved.
When i was in this lowe state i would dream about my big angel he would cuddel me and kiss me i feelt so happy the next day i would feel like all the pain would go away and i could face the world anouther day.
He would lift my spirits .
But i keeped talking to god and jesus to give me strangth and faith,
And i always thanked rthem when wounderful things happened.
As well as the angels who i know loved me .
I hade an oprashion in september 2017 to removed a polip from out of my uterus i aske all my friend to pray for me and that day i feelt nothing but peace.
All went well.
Excepted for a few home stress's which i didn't need after my op,
Lucky i hade my mate mel who was there for me in thick and thin.
Then about the end of jan start of feb this year i started getting telepathic messages from my big Angel and in my mind was being showen things i though what the hell, ive cracked.
You where gorn but i know the energy sines, i honestly thought he was gorn.
And from that day i have been getting sine's dreams and lots of magical things have been happening .
I have not feelt this happy for a very very long time.
And i was tolled today to start writing and exspressing myself.
I whish i just knew him more what his thoughts of the world are, his perseapshion, his likes loves things he enjoys, Movies music, food i just want to know all about him.
His passhions, his likes dislikes ,
we will see...... maybe
All i know is i miss him i'm not anger at you at all i do love and care about him and hope he is safe....

Life at the moment

28/6/2017

Haven't wrote in a long long time still having my up's and down's with my anixity some day's are better then others just stupid thought's about my blood pressure.
I seam to get over my worry about it then i start worrying about it again I know that blood pressure gose up and down depending on what your doing and how your feeling.
I understand that But i still get myself worked up about it ahhh well as everyone say's don't worry about it.
It's my anixity that's putting it up and i know that My hormones have a lot to do with it also and at the moment i'm hormonal bloody hormones do crazy stuff to you but i got to laught at it also Ill get there just have to have faith.
It's not as bad as i think just me thinking things are worse then they are .

Not feeling myself

22/5/2017

Well hello there I haven't been for ages, just so much going on in my life.
I fially got my depression and anixity more leaveled and copying abit better.
I still have my day's today is one of those's day's .
I just feel a little lowe in spirit's everytime i try to agrange somthing to do with a friend i have to cancel it because i have to do somthing for someone eals uselly my mother.
And i know it sound's selfish but i feel like i give up a lot for her.
I'm iver alway's running around for her here and there it pisses me off i know she can't help it as she's getting older.

I also found out that my hormones do play up because of my POCS it's a pain because one minet i feel fine net miniet ill burst out crying over nothing and today is one of those's day's i'm not depressed.
Just bloody hormones.
And at theses times im more senstive.

Errhhhhhh it makes you feel exstra tired and i feel sore with it also, Or maybe it's Jut me getting friggon old, I just feel so tired.
I try to watch what i eat so I'm not eatting to much sugar as this makes it play up more.
So more water

I have been enjoying watching supernatural lately and abit more music and times with the animales and nature .

I crack up when on supernatural bobby say's ball's lol lol lol i know that's off the subjected but it cracks me up.

Hade a nice hot flush last night so yes mrs Hormons are having a little tante so that's what's been going on in my life Just feeling a little frustrated with life at the moment.

Learning to live with Anixity

21/8/2016

Well hello there haven't wrote in age's been court up in my own dramers , still trying to get my anixity and panic attacks under controle really not shore if it is being triggered by stress from work and home life or weather it's hormone's i am at that age, I have made quite a few changes in my life style.
Finding thing's that try to help me realax there quite alot of stress at work , with all the changes to work strucksher.
I'm reading up and trying to learn more about stress anxitiy and panic disorders to help me.
It also dosn't help when your Doctor dosn't lisen to you .
I swear some Docotors have a fucken god complex and think they know all when they don't mum call's them paperwork computer doctors they have no people skill's and are not opened minded Enouth like my Dr who think's i'm too young to be going threw the start of menapause WTF i've heard of girl's as young as 20 going threw it.
Bloody pisses you off.
I just wanted test's done to see if it's possibal i'm going threw it so many people i have talked all said that's what it sound's like.
Well i've got a new Dc now who has lisened to me i've hade my blood test's done and i'm going for a ultra sound to see if i might have PCOD as my mum hade it the Dc said i have most the symptones mines one , i read some people don't even have any symptones and have it.
Well better to know ten not know i say.
anyway's that's my rant.... cheers.

Haven't wrote in ages

19/5/2016

Tag by pennyann

Well ........ Hello haven't wrote In ages, so many up's and down's in my life in the last 12 months mostly down's I'm trying to be postive and pull myself above it my Depression i'm starting to get on top off i have only started to get back into my drawing now i need to find a grathic art site to see my artwork.
Might look around.
A lot going on my work front won't go into it.
But i'm just looking at life diffrently trying to make postive changes making new friend's trying to join things to enjoy life and have a blance.
Meditation and walking changing diet.
Cutting sugar out of my diet,
But i'm trying doing more things i love to make myself happyer.
Anyways ill write more tonight as i have work
cheers

Day 3 and a half of sushi

13/10/2015

Well it's day 3 and a half, thing's are getting better, slowley there's still growling at each other and a bit of hissing, but not as bad, I'm very pleased.
Was very proude of Pixie today, I think Sushi is just cures of Pixie an want's to know her , but Pixie is not having any of that just yet....
I let pixie out to sniff around and stayed in the encloser to watch them for about an hour.
But thing's are slowely looking up.
I think pixie is not seeing her as much a fret now.

Pixie just looking out on what's going on Also pixie seam's alot more relaxed today not as stressed out which makes me feel alot better just a worryed cat mummy....

Coped a few scratches from pixie being upset she didnt mean it just stressed out and upset...

Day 2 and a half of Sushi

12/10/2015

To day is two day's and a half since i got Sushi, Pixie is still cracking a woob, and gave me a big scratch on the arm, nice one.
Quite nasty really ohhh well that's a crabby cat for you.
Anita came and visited lastnight we had coffee and cheese cake and a big chin wag it was nice really.
To talk with someone that like simala stuff as you make's life enjoyabal.
Can't wait to see Chrimson peak look's really good.

I LOVE stuff like this look's really cool,
Well i do hope pixie and sushi will get on soon but i know i have to be pacient thing's like this don't happen over night and pixie is very protective and mummy's girl.

So now it's just pacients and finger's crossed these's two will get on mum love's sushi she call's her her little mountain lion, Sushi is quite relaxed and easy going pixie well ..... she's just bossy but then again she has been picked on by other cat's too
But as i said i do find pixie can get very protective of me as well.

New fur babie

11/10/2015

Well got a new fur baby her name is Sushi I adopted her on Thursday as i feelt pixie needed a friend.
But pixie is not a very happy kittie at the moment been alot of hissing and growling mostly Pixie.

Sushi

The lady at the pet store said she had been there for 3 months because everyone wanted a small kitten she's shuch a pretty cat and was once a stray but now she has a forever home now so i am happy i helped this kitty

PIXIES thought's on the new comer ohhh well just have to give it time that's all i can do